Movie Review

So, I was watching this movie, Funny Games, and thinking to myself, “God, this is horrible.  I wish the Earth would be struck by a comet so all evidence of this movie’s existence would be erased…” when I decided to regale you with a tale of my misspent youth (in college).

I had a professor with a senile disposition and a righteous mustache.  His name was Mr. Campbell.  The interesting thing about him was that, despite the fact that he was teaching a technology class, minor technological advancements completely dumbfounded him.  Here’s a transcript of a typical class period:

Campbell:  So, this website has a cgi object that keeps track of your visits to the site, and it will tell you “Good Morning!” if you log on in the morning, or “Good Afternoon!” if you log on in the afternoon, or–

Me:  (I stood up and flipped my desk over, scattering papers and frito dust everywhere) A FUCKING CLOCK!

Campbell:  Yes, Mr. Dowis, is there something you’d like to say?

Me:  You’re going on and on about a fucking clock!  It’s just a timer programmed to say shit when you log on!  Are you retarded or do you just have mercury poisoning?!  (I had been serrepticiously breaking thermometers in his briefcase for weeks, so it really could have been mercury poisoning)

Campbell:  I really don’t think that’s appropriate to say.  In fact–

Me:  I paid for this goddamn class, and I would appreciate it if you’d talk about some technology that actually interests me for a change, Mustachio Furioso.

Campbell:  I’ve asked you repeatedly not to call me–

Me:  For example!  Humanoid sex robots!

Campbell:  Really, this isn’t–

Me:  Satellites that can heat up a hot pocket from space!  Or, like, cars that run on Mountain Dew!

Campell:  I’m calling campus security.

Me:  Wait, wait!  Nanorobots that can jazzercise my muscles while I play Diablo II!  I’d be so ripped!  Oh, and also I get a jetpack and a life-sized Voltron that makes me grilled cheeses with bacon in them, and–

That’s as far as I got before campus security tried to drag me out of the room, whereupon I accidentally bit one of them and peed on the other.

The moral of the story is this:  Don’t watch Funny Games.  Ever.


~ by mfive on August 4, 2008.

One Response to “Movie Review”

  1. I’m surprised he didn’t just turn out the lights and kill you with the Krill he can shoot out of his push-broom mustache

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